It’s hard to be positive all the time. It really is.
I’ve been very ill for far too long and it’s taking a toll on everything. Luckily, I didn’t need a doctor to tell me the one thing I needed to do the most…stop eating dairy. I’ve experimented with it before and when it felt like I had snakes in my intestines that had been soaked in gasoline and set on fire to go with their squirming, I tried the one thing I should have tried first.
No cheese, no butter, no milk that isn’t lactose free, nothing. It’s showing in more ways than one. I’m not losing weight because I’m constantly being ill now, I’m losing weight because I overloaded on cheese and bread all the time. That’s a good thing, right?
I baked yesterday, no dairy anywhere, and ended up with a rather strange but totally edible apple and pecan pie sort of thing and a pork pie that was better than I thought it would be. Some cheese or sour cream on the pork pie would have been nice, but I’m coming to value not being ill over my cravings for cheese.
I am a writer. That means I’m sedentary more often than not. I do get up and walk around outside of the apartment, but I don’t go out into the world often at all anymore. It’s not just Covid I have to worry about, it’s getting pneumonia or the flu again. My poor little lungs can’t take anymore abuse.
And yes, today, my thoughts are still whirling around, but I feel calm.
I’ll be adding to my book today, poking at what I’ve already written, and maybe rearranging or adding to it. That’s what I do.
I can sit down and write a novel in two weeks, less if I push myself. A novel being 50,000 words according to Nanowrimo.
I like to sit and ponder over them though. When I first started writing, I was pushing myself to get out what I could, to establish myself, and all I saw were publishers and people with far more money than me taking the top spots. Some of that was down to book stuffing and other gimmicks, sure, but most of it was down to how much money you give to various advertisers.
I was working to support my loved ones, and trying to invest what I could into my own brand, but that wasn’t much. I finally decided this year that I’d write at least four books this year for myself and that would be it. Four.
If it took me all year to write them, that’s fine. If it took me longer, that was fine too. I also decided to work less. Not because I was rich but because it’s taking a toll on my health. I’m still not rich in money, but in health? I’m getting better. Things are improving. I think.
I forgot that idea about writing only four books and spending less time working for a while. Covid started, I was sick, and panic set in, though I did it quietly. That’s what I do when I’m emotionally drained, I go quiet.
I was overwhelmed, not sure of what direction to head in, and floundering. Yep, that was me, a big ole giant flounder just floating around, watching the world go by. It took me a few months to realize what a mess I’d knotted myself into, but I finally did. That’s when I started to look out at the world again.
Maybe it’s not so scary out there?
Well, it is.
Covid isn’t the only thing that can turn you into a hermit in this world, but I know how to deal with most of those things. And the things I can’t control? Well, I can’t control them, can I?
This time, I decided to come out of that quiet with a little more strength and with my positive attitude back on top. It’s not all hopeless and I can deal with life a little better now. I can get back to living again and focusing on the good things there are in life.
Let’s see what I can write today, shall we?
